Hedgehog's School Of Chaos and Wizardry
by Uverboom
Summary: Sonic and 'aqquaintences' go to a school to learn magic with wands and spells and chaos, oh my!
1. Sorting houses

Sonic was about to go to his first day of school at "Hedgehogs' School of Chaos and Wizardry". He opened his holographic projector message for the 78th time. Omochao came onto the screen.

"Greetings to -INSERT STUDENT NAME HERE-!" Omochao announced. "We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hedgehog's School Of Chaos And Wizardry! You are to bring a wand and anything else magical you can find at Dyeyourquills Alley. No, really. It can even be a magical tomato for all we care! No, really. I mean, there was this one time, when I found a tomato and I thought it was magical so I brought it to school, but then they banned tomatoes, but that dosn't count since it wasn't magical, and I named my tomato Bob, and when they threw him out I had a funeral for him-" Omochao took a big breath after saying all of the above in one breath. "...Anyway, JUST COME TO THE DAMN SCHOOL! The bus will come to pick you up, SO BE THERE OR ELSE! Bye!"

Sonic tried to stabb the holographic Omochao many times, but just suceeded in going right through it. He had his wand with a blue blur design. He looked around. "Where IS that bus!" Sonic said aloud. The bus fell from the sky and landed on top of him. The door opened to reveal a chao driving.

"Where's the student?" The chao asked aloud. "Maybe I have the wrong address." The bus started to take off. "WAIT!" Sonic yelled. He grabbed the back of the bumper. The bus flew through the sky, and they came to a castle... that was floating in the sky! The bus came to a stop. Sonic hopped off. Everyone started to get off of the bus. Sonic stopped. He saw a terrifying sight. He screamed. "AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"SONIC!" Amy squealed in delight.

"NOOOOOO!" Sonic cried out.

"Shut up, faker."

Sonic turned around to see Shadow.

"NOOOOOO!" Sonic cried out again. Shadow pulled out a video camera and some popcorn.

Tails, Knuckles, Rouge, Charmy, Espio, Vector, Cream, and Big also got off of the bus; Big had been too large and had been strapped to the top; Sonic wondered how he could've missed that. They made their way into the castle, where there were many seats at 4 large, long tables. Omochao was at the front of the large hall, floating behind a stand with a microphone. "Welcome -INSERT STUDENT NAME HERE- to the great mall!" Omochao greeted.

"MALL!" Amy's eyes lit up with stars in them.

Shadow raised an eyebrow but said nothing. "Isn't it supposed to be the 'Great HALL'?" Sonic questioned.

"No." Omochao replied. "There's a food court over there, an Old Navy over there, an acessory store over there..."

"Can't believe we missed that." Knuckles muttered.

"You will be sorted into 4 houses; Entering Katrios, Toronto Maple Leafs, Corndogs, and Lesbians." Omochao explained. "This will be decided by the Sorting Banana."

There was silence.

"Come up when I call your name." Omochao answered. "Amy -INSERT LAST NAME HERE-."

Amy came up to the front and Omochao handed her the Sorting Banana.

"Take off a piece and eat it." Omochao commanded. Amy took off a piece and ate it. It grew back instantly. A face appeared on the banana skin. "LESBIANS!" The banana announced.

"I KNEW IT!" Sonic screamed.

"Shadow -INSERT LAST NAME HERE-!" Omochao called. Shadow came up and poked Omochao in the eye. "OW!" Shadow took a bite of the banana. "LESBIANS!" The Sorting Banana hollered.

"HAHA!" Sonic yelled in Shadow's face.

"Sonic -INSERT LAST NAME HERE-!" Omochao announced. Sonic walked out, poked Omochao in the eye that Shadow poked, and took a bite of the Sorting Banana. "OWW!" "LESBIANS!"

"NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sonic sobbed. Shadow recorded it all on his video camera.

"Knuckles -INSERT LAST NAME HERE-!" Omochao called. Knuckles walked up and poked Omochao's eye again. "OWWWWW!" Knuckles swallowed the whole banana, peel and all. There was silence, all except for Omochao's wailing.

"Well," observed Omochao, holding an ice pack over his eye, "I guess we'll just have to use the sorting sword." He took out a sword and cut Knuckles with it. "OWW!" A face came into view on the sword. "CORNDOGS!" The sword announced. Knuckles looked at the cut the sword had made. Knuckles grabbed onto the sword and threw it out the window. There was silence, except for the wailing of the chao that the sword has landed in. Knuckles sat down in his seat.

"Errr..." Omochao stuttered. "I guess we'll just have to use the Sorting Bubble gum."

More silence.

"Big -INSERT LAST NAME HERE-!"

Big was still outside, strapped to the top of the bus. Everyone had forgotten about him. He even forgot about himself; he didn't even realize he was there. He thought he was riding a My Little Pony in a meadow.

"Okay then... I guess we'll just put him in Corndogs." Omochao shrugged.

"NNNOOOOOOO!" Knuckles cried.

"Cream -INSERT LAST NAME HERE-!"

Cream came up to the front and chewed some bubble gum. She blew a bubble and a face appeared on it. "Entering Katrios!" The bubble called before it poped. Omochao took the used bubble gum from Cream.

"Espio -INSERT LAST NAME HERE-!"

Espio came up, and Omochao held out the used bubble gum. Espio stared.

"Go ahead, chew it!"

"I'm not chewing used gum."

Vector ran up to the front. He snatched the bubble gum from Omochao's little stubby hand. "Might as well not let good gum go to waste!" He put it in his mouth. There was silence. He blew a bubble with a face on it. The face said, "Toronto Mapple Leafs!"

Espio stood there.

"Alright, alright, cheapskate..." Omochao grumbled, taking out another stick of gum and handed it to Espio. Espio chewed and blew a bubble. the face in the bubble said, "Toronto Maple Leafs!"

"Charmy -INSERT LAST NAME HERE-!"

"Toronto Mapple Leafs!"

"Rouge -INSERT LAST NAME HERE-!"

"Lesbians!"

"Tails -INSERT LAST NAME HERE-!"

"Entering Katrios!'

Everyone had been sorted out. Omochao announced the roommates.

"Sonic and Shadow!"

Sonic cried and Shadow taped it on his video camera.

"Amy and Rouge! Tails and Cream! Charmy, Espio, and Vector! Knuckles and Big!"

"NOOOOO!" Knuckles screamed. "Why...! WHY!"

"Have fun!" Omochao said in a freakishly happy way. Everyone went to their rooms, Knuckles and Sonic considering suicide.


	2. Those darn alarm clocks!

_"I just wanted to say that.. I love you... I want to be with you forever... MY SWEET CHILLI DOGS!" Sonic cried out, hugging many chilli dogs. He then dove into a sea of chilli dogs, doing back crawl. He swooped up a beautiful chilli dog, about to take a bite, and-_

BEEP! BEEP!

Sonic scowled and threw a pillow at the alarm clock. It had interrupted his dream... his wonderful, chilli-filled dream! The alarm clock kept beeping.

BEEP! BEEP!

"SONOFA-" Sonic sliced the alarm clock up with a chainsaw. The alarm clock continued to beep.

BEEP! BEEP!

"MOTHERFU-" Sonic pulled out a gun and shot the alarm clock until he was out of ammo. It continued to beep.

BEEP! BEEP!

"WHATTHEFU-" Sonic whacked the alarm with a mallet as it continued to beep.

BEEP! WHACK! BEEP! WHACK! BEE-

"Shutius Uppitis!" Shadow exclaimed, poiting his black wand with red flames at the alarm clock. It stopped ringing.

"WHO THE BLOCKED SET MY ALARM CLOCK FOR 4:07 IN THE MORNING!"

Shadow whistled.

"AAAAHHHHHHH!" Sonic yelled, pulling out one of his quills. He stared at the quill. "AAAAHHHHHHH!" Sonic yelled again. "Why...! WHY!"

"Because it's funny."

Sonic screamed. "AAAAHHHHHHH!"

"SHUT UP!" A voice called from the room next to them, Rouge and Amy's room. Sonic screamed into his pillow. "Shutius Uppitus!" Shadow commanded, pointing his wand at Sonic. Sonic mouthed out many swears, but none of them came out. Shadow pulled out a video game, ignoring Sonic, and started playing it. Sonic was mouthing words so that if they would have been this: "BLOBKED BLOCKED BLOCKED YOU BLOCKED BLOCKED DON'T BLOCKED IGNORE ME YOU BLOCKED BLOCKED BLOCKED BLOCKED I'LL BLOCKED TAKE THAT BLOCKED BLOCKED GAME AND BLOCKED SHOVE IT UP YOUR-" ...You get the picture. Sonic grabbed his chainsaw, running towards Shadow. Shadow didn't even look up from his game, but pointed his wand and said, "Chainsawius Transformius." Sonic's chainsaw turned into a tiger lily. (That's a type of flower, duh!) Sonic mouthed out more curses, and if anyone could hear it, he would be cursing like the world had just blown up.

_"I just wanted to say that... I love you... I want to be with you forever... MY SWEET PORN MAGAZINES!" Knuckles cried out, hugging many porn magazines. He then dove into a sea of porn magazines, doing back crawl. He swooped up a beautiful porn magazine, about to open it, and-_

WHEEEOOO! WHEEEOOO!

Knuckles scowled and threw his lamp at the alarm clock. It had interrupted his dream... his wonderful, porn-filled dream! The alarm clock kept making a siren noise.

WHEEEOOO! WHEEEOOO!

"WHATTHEFU-" Knuckles sliced the alarm clock up with an axe. The alarm clock continued to make a siren noise.

WHEEEOOO! WHEEEOOO!

"MOTHERFU-" Knuckles pulled out a laser gun and shot the alarm clock until he was out of ammo. It continued to give off a siren noise.

WHEEEOOO! WHEEEOOO!

"SONOFA-" Knuckles grabbed a frying pan and whacked the still "wheeeooo"-ing alarm clock.

WHEEEOOO! WHACK! WHEEEOOO! WHACK! WHEE-

Big stupidly knocked over a jar filled with purple smoke. The smoke made its way to Knuckles' bed. The alarm clock was silent, as was Knuckles. Knuckles mouthed out swearing. He mouthed out a scream and pulled out one of his dreadlocks. He stared at the dreadlock. Then, he mouthed another scream. Big just stared, then stupidly started poking a stick. If anyone could hear Knuckles, it would've sounded like: "BLOCKED BLOCKED BLOCKED WHO THE BLOCKED BLOCKED SET MY BLOCKED ALARM FOR BLOCKED 4:09 IN THE BLOCKED MORNING!"

"Duuuuuh..." Big said stupidy. "I pressed the buttons because they were pretty and shiiiny... big LIKE shiny... Huhuhu..."

Knuckles grabbed his axe and began running towards Big. Big stupidly knocked over another jar. The lime green gas made its way over to Knuckles and his axe turned into a tulip. Knuckles mouthed out more curses, and if anyone could hear it, he would be cursing like the world had just blown up.

_"I just wanted to say that... I love you... I want to be with you forever... MY SWEET ME!" Espio cried out, hugging many pictures of himself and mirrors. He then dove into a sea of mirrors and pictures of himself, doing back crawl. He swooped up a beautiful mirror, about to look into it, and-_

RING! RING!

Espio scowled and threw his blankie at the alarm clock. It had interrupted his dream... his wonderful, him-filled dream! The alarm clock kept ringing.

RING! RING!

"MOTHER FU-" Espio sliced up the alarm clock with a knife. The alarm clock continued to ring.

RING! RING!

"WHATTHEFU-" Espio pulled out a dartgun and shot the alarm clock until he was out of ammo. It continued to ring.

RING! RING!

"SONOFA-" Espio ripped off a piece of his bed frame and whacked the still ringing alarm clock.

WHACK! RING! WHACK! RING! WHACK! RI-

Vector walked over and kicked the alarm clock. It instantly shut up. Espio screamed. "AAAAHHHHHHH!" He pulled out the horn on his nose. He stared at the horn. "AAAAHHHHHHH!" He screamed again. "WHO THE BLOCKED SET MY BLOCKED ALARM CLOCK FOR 4:11 IN THE BLOCKED MORNING!"

"...Not to mention the dress." Charmy added. Espio looked to see himself in a pink dress. "AAAAHHHHHHH!" Charmy and Vector were unusually happy with smiles on their faces.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU, CHOP YOU UP INTO LITTLE PIECES, AND FEED THE REMAINS TO-"

"Uppitus Shuppitus!" Vector said, reading a spellbook. Espio became silent, and was mouthing swear words. He grabbed his knife and ran towards Charmy and Vector, whom ignored him. Vector read from the spellbook, "Knifius Transformius!" Espio's knife turned into a rose. He mouthed out swear words. Then an evil look came onto his face as he began to stabb Vector with the thorns on the rose. "OWWWW! WHY DID IT BLOCKED HAVE TO BE A BLOCKED ROSE!" Vector began cursing like the world had just blown up. Espio, taking a quick break from stabbing Vector with the thorns, swished his purple wand with a mirror on it and a pair of earmuffs plopped on the gasping Charmy's head to cover his ears, as Espio went back to stabbing Vector and Vector continued swearing.


	3. First class

"Hello, class!" Omochao greeted. "Today we will learn the spell-"

A spitball flew through the air and hit omochao on the head. The wetness soaked through Omochao's head and he short-circuited. "TODAY WE WILL LEARN- TODAY WE WILL LEARN- TODAY WE WILL- TODAY WE WILL- LEARN-" Robot Omochao's head twitched and poped off.

"..."

Sonic, Knuckles, and Shadow gave each other high-5's.

"I thought you might do that." Omochao replied. "That's why I built this robot version of me."

A bullet flew through the air and went into Omochao's head. The 2nd robot Omochao's head twitched and its head poped off.

"..."

Sonic, Knuckles, and Shadow gave each other high-5's.

"I thought you might do that." Omochao replied again. "That's why I built this second robot version of me."

Before Shadow, Sonic, of Knuckles could whip a dagger across the room, Omochao pointed out his little black, ordinary wand and said, "Barrierus Comeovermeius!" A barrier appeared around Omochao. Shadow, Sonic, and Knuckles put away their weapons in disppointment.

"Today we will learn the spell, 'Summonius Whatiwantius'. It will summon the clear vision you have in your head. Now, take out your wands and go one at a time, coming to the front of the room."

Amy went up first. She pointed out her pink wand. A vision of Sonic appeared before them.

"Err... that's... nice, Amy." Omochao muttered.

"EWWW! You are SO not my type!" Sonic yelled, jumping up and pointing at Omochao.

Omochao used everything in him not to try and punt Sonic to the moon. "If you are so confident, then why don't you go next?"

Sonic walked up to the front of the room.

"But what if I think something wrong!" Sonic thought. "OH! That just brought a whole lot of wrong thoughts into my mind! OH NO!"

Sonic gulped and pointed out his blue blurry wand. A vision appeared of Amy in a towel. Everyone screamed. Espio, Knuckles, and Rouge covered Charmy, Tails, and Cream's eyes, and closed their own. Sonic screamed and rammed himself in the head with a large textbook until he was unconcious. Amy snapped Sonic's wand in half, and kept ramming the textbook over Sonic's head. She then picked him up and threw him out of the window. The glass shattered and he fell.

"OH NO, WHAT HAVE I DONE!" Amy cried out. They were on a floating caslte way up in the sky.

There was a long silence. Then, Shadow yelled, "PARTY!" Shaddow threw confetti in the air and turned on music all the way. Shadow started partying while everyone else just stared. Then, they shrugged and started partying and throwing stuff around. Tails jumped out of the window and brought Sonic back up.

"Class..." Omochao began. "Uhh, class... your'e not supposed to-" A big textbook came flying and knocked Omochao down, landing on him. Muffled cursing was heard.


End file.
